An Actual Conversation with my Mother

So - I was helping my Mom make dinner one night and we were talking about Grad School

Me: (setting the table) So, I'm thinking about going out East to Grad School with Amy.

Mom: (cutting vegetables)Oh, that sounds good - you've mentioned that before.
Me: Yah, I was thinking about going to Dalhousie in Nova Scotia

Mom: Well, its a very good School, and Nova Scotia is Beautiful

Me: I was also thinking of going to Memorial in Newfoundland

Mom: (drops the knife, turns and stares at me)newfoundland??? NEWFOUNDLAND? WHAT KIND OF UKRAINIAN CATHOLIC HUSBAND ARE YOU GOING TO FIND IN NEWFOUNDLAND?

ME: Ummmmm I probably not a good one...

Mom: Oh Lord.. oh LORD YOUR GOING TO BRING HOME A NEWFIE AND NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND THE WAY HE TALKS!!!! oh lord.. oh lord.. where have I gone wrong?

Me: Uhhhhh well, thats not really politically correct..and Amy wants to go too

Mom: Ohhh,...you and Amy? Alone in NEWFOUNDLAND? What are you going to do in Newfoundland - I'll tell you what you'll end up doing.. your going to sit around and make Hootch in a bathtub.

Me: I don't think anybody really does that anymore.. not since the prohibition anyways..
Mom: Where did I go wrong..Oh lord.. (trailing off in dispair)


yes.. these conversations are normal in my family...

This is St. Volodymyr himself - check out that stache! 

The Filioque.. It is a changin'

There have been some INTERESTING developments in the Ukrainian Catholic church... but I can't say anything until I know more details so, until then, I think I will catch you all up with the past 1000 years or so of...

UKRAINIAN CATHOLIC CHURCH HISTORY!!!!!!

Now, everyone loves a good story, and no one can tell a better story then a Ukrainian.. (Well, maybe a drunk Ukrainian.. but there is only so much I can do people!)
The history of the Ukrainian Church has all the elements of a good story...Love, betrayal, Wars, greed, Greeks!, evil enemies, vile Villians and tons of alliteration. Seriously, I think its pretty interesting stuff, and its not just because I have been indoctrinated in the way of the Slavs. So, lets start at the very begining, or rather, kinds of the begining.. a very nice place to start.

Officially, Eastern Christianity began in Ukraine in 988 when (St.) Volodymyr, Prince of Kyiv, adopted the Christian Faith and was baptized. Legend has it that he sent emissaries out to research the religions of the world and find out which one would be best. The one that returned from Greece raved about the amazing churches and beautiful sounding chant in the liturgy. Based on this information it is said that the Prince chose eastern style Christianity, and decided to adopt the Greek traditions. (Most likely Volodymyr was much more interested in the prospects of trade connections with Greece, but Ukrainian school would never lie to me, right?)


Anyways, Volodymir is given credit for decreeing and enforcing mass baptisms and converting the pagan tribes. He was sainted and is known as the Father of Christianity in Ukraine, as well as the Patron saint of the Slavs. (Trust me.. we need as many people on our side as we can get) With his conversion and baptism, Prince Volodymyr gave official momentum to the Eastern Christian movement, establishing hundreds of churches, monasteries, and religious institutions. Before his death in 1015, Kyiv was in its glory as the city of churches. ( as a side note- check out the icon of this guy! Now THAT is a mustache.. Bring back the stache!)


Volodymyr, or Volody as his drinking buddies liked to call him, created a hierarchy for this new church, united under the jurisdiction of the Metropolitan of Kiev. Yaroslav the Wise, Volodymyr’s better known son (No one remembers names like Yaroslav the mediocre or Yaroslav – He did his best) established the election of the first home-grown metropolitan, Hilarion, in 1050. By doing this he established the independence of the “Ruthenian” (not to be confused with Russian) or Ukrainian Church in the Kievan metropolitanate from the political and ecclesiastical jurisdiction of Byzantium.


However, Christianity had come to Eastern Europe long before 988 –The Apostles of the Slavs, Cyril and Methodius, were recorded to have been evangelizing in the Crimea in the mid-ninth century. They came from Greece and helped develop the written Slavic language. (Some authors claim that they also established the dioceses of PeremyshI and Cracow a hundred years before St. Volodymy)

Oh, but the fun doesn't stop there my friends.. In fact, I'm thinking about going back a wee bit. NEXT WEEK: A Saint who broke the Emperor of Constantinople's Heart, a King who made his enemies Skulls into mugs.. and maybe a bit more church history....
Coming soon!

A quick Ukrainian Rant

esterday I had an argument with someone about the origins of my name. They said:
"Odesa.. thats a wierd name. Are you named after the Russian city?"
and I said:
"No, actually I'm named after the Ukrainian city. Odesa is in Ukraine."
to which they wittily retorted:
"Nu - uh"

and I said"Yah huh "

And he said:
"well.. it doesn't really matter does it - Russia and Ukraine are exactly the same"

Now, I understand that not everyone around me has been indoctrinated about Ukraine like me, so I count to ten and take a deep breath and he says:

"So, you know, you spell your name wrong, hey? Odesa has 2 s's"

Well... thank GOD someone pointed that out. I've been foolishly misspelling my own name.

So.. I held back the fist of death and said:
"Actually, the city in UKRAINE is spelt with one S. This is because the Ukraine Languege does not use double S's. Also, 2 s's is an Americanized and Russified way of spelling the city."

And he says -
"wow.. so your ukrainian arn't you.

ughhhhh!

Anything to avoid studying!

Here are a few of my favorite links that I thought I would share with anyone who feels as apathetic about working/studying as I do.

http://cheston.com/pbf/archive.html - A lot of these cartoons are in poor taste but are VERY funny.

http://www.threadless.com/catalog - My sister and I could design great t-shirt too. Our drunken ideas are just as great as these!

http://angryflower.com/ - not just great cartoons - great movie reviews too!

http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/index2.html - The Seseme Street sound archive.. Oh, the memories! (some loud annoying site music though.. turn them speakers down)

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/most_recent/index.jhtml - If you can't stay up late enough for the daily show, this is 2nd best


http://www.theonion.com/content/index - Stay current with the best in fake news

http://www.musicalintervalstutor.info/listenpg.html - If your having trouble in eartraining.. or just a big geek like me...enjoy!

HistOry

A long.. long time ago, there used to be a really stupid camp song that was based on 3 commercials that were popular at the time. It goes like this:

Mcdonalds, Mcdonalds, (make the letter with your finger)
Kentucky Fried Chicken (act like a chicken) aaand
Pizza hut (you would draw the pizza hut symbol with your hands)

it was really stupid (does anyone even remember this?) but it got stuck in everyone's heads. Everyone sang it at camp for the whole 2 weeks. Anyways some (mean) older boys used different lyrics to make fun of My sister (Oksana) and I's names.
Oksana, Oksana
Kentucky fried Chicken and
O - de -sa

How did I deal with this juvinile teasing? I cried my eyes out of course. AND I told my mom (who probably laughed)

Anyways, this was eventually forgotten until I joined a church youth group a few years later that happened to have a few of those (mean) boys in it. And, the song was of course remembered and became a hit again. ( I didn't cry this time.. or at least, not much)
Any who - it got pretty boring singing the whole song over and over again, so they just shortened it to bug only me, and kept calling me O-de-sa.
Eventually this became the norm, until one fateful day a breakfast cereal commercial changed the world as i once knew it:
O, O, O
Cheerio,
the one and only
Cheerios

from then on, I have been known as O, O, Odesa.

Are you Ukrainian? Culture Test

You know your Ukrainian .. (or straight off the boat) when..

You know that there are three main Orthodox Churches (Ukrainian, Greek, Orthodox) and two Catholic Churches. You’re not sure about the real differences between them. Your ancestors went to whichever church happened to be closer to their home. That is unless they were from the Crimean Tatar, in which case you’re Muslim. Most likely, you regard Protestants with suspicion.

You have a close family member that likes pork fat. Salted, smoked, peppered or spiced. No, they seriously like pork fat. They know that the Russians make fun of them because of this, but they still like pork fat.

In most cases you eat at home. Your wife/sister/mother is probably a good cook. Not as good as your granny, though. You are convinced that Russians can’t cook.

You can take pride in being probably the only country in the world that has a word for vodka other than ‘vodka’-- you call it horilka. Naturally, Ukrainian horilka is the best vodka in the world.

You think Russians are thieves and drunkards, Jews greedy, Poles snobbish, Byelorussians inferior, and you tell jokes about Moldavians. At the same time, you have acquaintances, friends, or even relatives from these nationalities.

You can’t seriously expect to be able to transact business, or deal with officials, without paying bribes. Having friends in the right places or drinking with the right people would help enormously. (Ok this is deffinitly for immigrants - but really true..)

You still argue with Russians over the heritage of Kievan Rus. They claim it’s theirs or shared, whilst you claim it’s exclusively yours. (DAMN IT! TO NASH!)

If the Russians want to piss you off, they call you Polonised Russians, whilst you know that Russians are not even a Slavic nation at all, they are savage Finns from the northern forests.

Your country has been conquered by wave after wave of invaders throughout its history. Tatars, Lithuanians, Poles, Hungarians, Nomadic Eastern Tribes, Austrians, Swedes, Turks, Russians, Germans-- they’ve all been here.

All your neighbours (with the potential exception of Byelorussians) think they’re entitled to some or even all of your territory. At the same time, you may think that some of Russia, some of Poland and all of Byelorussia should be annexed to Ukraine.

You can take rightful pride in your Cossack past and the heroic struggles against the Turks and Tatars. Plundering Moldavia on a regular basis was far less heroic and therefore less known.

You’re still not sure whether Ivan Mazepa was a traitor or the greatest Ukrainian patriot of all time. Same story with Bogdan Khmelnitsky.

You haven’t seen a Ukrainian movie in a very long time. If you have, then you haven’t seen a decent Ukrainian movie in a very long time.

Generations of your ancestors fought for independence and were always defeated. Your generation did not really fight for independence yet won it.

Domestic Arts

Now, this may come as a shock to many of you, but I wasn't always the organized and efficient person I am now. Actually, I used to be, "Messy Dessy" (Oh god.. it still hurts a little)
Anyways, surprise surprise, I was TERRIBLE at Ukrainian Artsy things. My Ukrainian Pysanku, (easter eggs) mostly resembled large blobs of mismatched colors with large cracks down the middle. When we made easter bread, the braids I made looked like, well, giant lumps of dough, and in Ukrainian dancing I was pretty much off in my own special world.
But the WORST was embroidery. I was so, bad at embroidery that I would actually try to hide in the coat room after recess to try to avoid doing it. (who misses recess.. I sure do!)

Now, granted, I was REALLY bad at it. (I couldn't even thred the needle) But I also was not encouraged in any way to get better. In fact, the Parent volunteer would laugh in my face if I asked if I could take some embroidery home to practice on.

Well, We would do these little cross stitch patterns and give them to our moms for mothers day. The teacher would design a more difficult pattern for the kids who were really good at it, A medium hard pattern for the rest of the kids, and a very easy pattern for the unfortunite kids who could barely tie their own shoe laces.

And then she would make a "special" pattern for me.

It was torture, poking the stupid needle through those tiny holes and making little X's and Crosses while the other kids made beautiful flowers and pretty designs. But, well, I guess my heart just wasn't into it, or maybe I didn't love my mom as much as the other kids, because for Mother's day she got an unfinished piece of white fabric with 4 little red cross stitches that the Teacher had actually done FOR me, out of pity.

Flu This

Being sick reminded me of some good old fashioned Ukrainian home remedies that have been passed along from generation to generation in my family. Most of them revolve around Ukraine's official cure for anything.. Garlic.

• My Aunt swears that eating 4 whole cloves of garlic will cure what ever ail's yah. (Little garlic joke for yah)
• My mom says my Baba, (who deserves her own blog devoted to her craziness, but thats another story) gave her and her brothers and sisters a tasty concoction made with warm milk, honey aaaaand, you guessed it. Garlic.
• Another favorite is breathing in the steam from a pot of boiled onions. Some Ukrainian families swear by DRINKING boiled onion juice with a bit of lemon in it. Onion tea, if you will.
• And if a Ukrainian remedy doesn't have garlic in it, you can bet it has alcohol. People in Southern Ukraine say that soaking a piece of bread in alcohol and then putting it on your chest for 10 min. will get rid of any cough.
• Also, a shot of moonshine, in hot milk with honey and raw egg yolk.. eeeeeewwww.

A little more on Germany

World Youth Day itself was fun.. Although the long long marches.. the huge crowds.. Screaming people...limited bathrooms and crowded bus drivers with screaming German officials reminded me of another well known event in Germany...